Never enough

Thats how it was for me

It didn’t matter who or what I had in my life it was never enough, I always wanted more. I could buy the latest phone and straight away want a different one. Hange my car and see a better one. I was never content. I wanted a life that was unreal, unattainable.

Why?

What was I actually looking for or needing? The simple answer is nothing. I just wasn’t happy being me, I was looking outward to forfil a need that could only be filled by looking in. I was looking to others to make me happen, it doesn’t work like that.

Years

It took me years to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it. I have lost relationships, both lovers and friends by wanting something from them that they didn’t have. They couldn’t possibly have it. It was my inner peace and solitude that was missing.

What changed?

Unfortunately it has taken me all of my life so far to work out the only person that can make me truly happy is me. Until now, I never was.

And now

I am truly happy being me. I am happy living on my own with just my own company. I haven’t spoken to a single person today, not seen a soul. It’s been a lovely day for me. I am at a point where I don’t “need” anyone in my life, so if you are its because I “want” you there.

Never enough

About catmann1973

Hi, I’m Martin. 47 years old, living in Suffolk. I have three amazing grown up children. I have the best family and friends in the world. I am a football fan, love going to the gym and I am a motorcycle pilot. I’ve had mental health problems all of my life. This site is about my past, present and future. I’m hoping to make it easier for people to be able to speak freely about mental health. It can affect anyone at anytime.
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