Today was the first day of my talking therapy. As excited as I was for it to start, I was equally as nervous. Last night was restless because I was anxious as to what the therapy would drag up from my past. I know that to make forward movement I have to start start by going backwards, dredging through old emotions and moments in time I would rather forget.
The first session
Today was split into three parts. It was a lot to do in a half an hour session. We started by checking my anxiety and depression scores. All of them were moderate to severe. We then moved on to the causes and talked about what had sparked recent events for me. This part exhausted me, going through painful memories is not an easy thing to do at the best of times.
I was set three pieces of homework to complete between now and the next session in two weeks time. I have a progressive muscle relaxation (PGMR) exercise worksheet to practice everyday for 15 minutes. I have a “worry diary” to fill out everyday. And I have to try to learn whether my thoughts are “hypothetical” (things that I have no idea if they will actually happen), or practical, i.e. something can be done to stop me worrying.
I was impressed with Baz, my therapist. It is very important to feel heard and understood rather than just listened to and I was. I also felt that we got on well which is very important to me when confiding my deepest darkest secrets to someone, especially a complete stranger. I am looking forward to my next session and starting to see the progress that I make.
After the call
I felt drained and very emotional, I laid on my bed and felt quite numb about some of the things that had been brought up already. However I pushed myself to go out for a ride on my beloved motorbike to clear my head. I’m putting everything into this therapy. I will live the rest of my life happy and fulfilled.
My talking therapy is provided free from the NHS wellbeing service. For more information please click in the link (Home) below.