Last two days

I think I was awake for about two hours yesterday, I felt dreadful, very low mood and anxious for no know reason. I woke up tired and couldn’t fight the sleep. In the brief times I was awake I couldn’t function at all. The fog was well and truly back with vengeance. One slight positive, my new boss called to see how I was. she is a biker!!!! She put my referral through to occupational health, so hopefully I can go back to work soon.Maybe I was on the come down from the previous good days, maybe I had done to much or I was expecting to much. Whatever it was, I was determined that today was going to be a better day. I was determined to push myself .

I got up reasonably early, showered and went to the pharmacy to pick up my medication. I have to go every two weeks as I am not yet trusted to have a months supply. Hopefully this will soon change as I am in now way suicidal. In fact I am the polar opposite, I am determined to overcome my demons and be fully happy.

I decided to go to Colchester this morning, to the Kawasaki dealership ( ) to look at their bikes. I’m not planning to change mine until at least November, I just like looking. I drove there because rain was forecast. I forgot just how boring driving is zzzzzz. The only positive was the fact that I could listen to my music. Google maps took me the strangest of ways through Colchester , but I eventually found the shop. I was like a kid in a sweet shop. I don’t think I have ever seen as many bikes in one place before in my life. If I had ridden there and I had my bike gear on, I think I would stay for at least two months just to test ride as many as I could.

On my way home I called into see my adopted family, Pete and Lynn. I was fed and watered (thank you). I stayed for an hour or so before I drove back to the centre of the universe (Stowmarket). I needed to go shopping. I’m starting to sort my diet out to what it used to be. High protein and measured fats and carbs. I’m drinking gallons of water too, to try to sort my skin out. I want to re-join a gym and start weight training again. unfortunately until I get back to work I cannot afford to. I will do body weight and resistance band exercises from home and use my hybrid push bike for cardio.

I feel better for getting out today and hopefully the change in diet will help to improve my mood and body too. I’m currently carrying more body fat than I ever have. I feel sluggish.

Working on getting this body back.

About catmann1973

Hi, I’m Martin. 47 years old, living in Suffolk. I have three amazing grown up children. I have the best family and friends in the world. I am a football fan, love going to the gym and I am a motorcycle pilot. I’ve had mental health problems all of my life. This site is about my past, present and future. I’m hoping to make it easier for people to be able to speak freely about mental health. It can affect anyone at anytime.
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