Three years gone

I never knew him, I never met him, I never even saw his band play live, but his struggle with life reflects like a mirror on my own. Maybe that’s why I felt so sad on the day he passed, maybe that’s why I connect with his music so deeply, I feel the sadness and the beauty in the lyrics.

“There’s something inside me that pulls beneath the surface consuming, confusing.

When I first heard his music I liked it, it was something different, but that was it, I liked the music I didn’t really listen to the words or understand the meaning of the songs. For years I only had their first album, I didn’t bother with the rest. Although I have everything they have ever released now, I wish I had followed them more.

“When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed.”

Listening back on all of their albums its easy to see he wasn’t coping with life, he was in a dark place for long periods of time. Although on the surface he appeared to have it all. A beautiful wife, beautiful children, lifelong friends in his band mates, adoring fans that hung off of his every word. That is like a dream to most people. But it wasn’t enough to save him.

I’m dancing with my demons
I’m hanging off the edge
Storm clouds gather beneath me
Waves break above my head
At first hallucination
I wanna fall wide awake now
You tell me it’s alright
Tell me I’m forgiven
But nobody can save me now
I’m holding up a light
Chasing up the darkness inside
‘Cause nobody can save me.”

Its funny how one of his good friends was of a similar mindset to him and chose the same way out of life, far to early. Another man who on the surface had everything, but ultimately he didn’t find the peace he needed either. 

On a cobweb afternoon
In a room full of emptiness                      By a freeway i confess
I was lost in the pages                              Of a book full of death
Reading how we’ll die alone”

The man I am of course talking about it Chester Bennington (and his friend Chris Cornell). Two people who through their music have inspired millions. Neither apparently as together as they appeared.

Today marks the anniversary of Chesters death. Why do I miss someone who I’ve never met? Who knows. I’m upset that I never got to see linkin Park live, but it has taught me a lesson. Someone, anyone maybe in your life one day and not the next. Nobody truly knows what is going on inside another’s head.

If you see any signs of someone suffering, if you know them well or not, reach out to them. Everyone on this planet is loved and wanted whether they know it or not. Chester is missed by thousands, but his sadness and story has helped thousands at the same time. You can appear to have it all, but really have nothing…………RIP Chester Bennington 20-3-1976 to 20-7-2017.

At around 9:00 a.m. PDT on July 20, 2017, Bennington was found dead by his housekeeper at his home in Palos Verdes Estates, California. His death was ruled a suicide by hanging. Bandmate Mike Shinoda confirmed his death on Twitter, writing, “Shocked and heartbroken, but it’s true. An official statement will come out as soon as we have one.” On July 21, Brian Elias, the chief of operations for the office of the medical examiner-coroner, confirmed that a half-empty bottle of alcohol was found at the scene, but no other drugs were present.It was later reported in December that Bennington’s toxicology report showed “a trace amount” of alcohol in his system at the time of death.The band announced that they had cancelled the North American leg and the rest of their One More Light Tour following his death, and that tickets would be refunded. Following his death, Linkin Park took to a hiatus period until April 2020, when it was announced the band was working on new music.

Bennington’s funeral was held on July 29 at South Coast Botanic Garden in Palos Verdes, California. In addition to his family members and close friends, many musicians who toured or played with Linkin Park were also in attendance. The service also included a full stage for musical tributes.

Bennington’s death occurred on what would have been Chris Cornell‘s 53rd birthday.Cornell’s death was also ruled as suicide by hanging two months earlier.Bennington was a close friend of Cornell’s. Bennington had commented on Cornell’s death on Instagram, “I can’t imagine a world without you in it.”Shinoda noted that Bennington was very emotional when the band performed “One More Light” in his honor on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, and could not finish singing the song because he started getting choked up during both the rehearsal and the live performance. The band was due to record a live performance of their single “Heavy” on the show, but decided instead to play “One More Light” after hearing the news about Cornell’s death because the song is about the loss of a friend. Bennington sang Leonard Cohen‘s song “Hallelujah” at Cornell’s funeral. He was also the godfather of Cornell’s son Christopher.

About catmann1973

Hi, I’m Martin. 47 years old, living in Suffolk. I have three amazing grown up children. I have the best family and friends in the world. I am a football fan, love going to the gym and I am a motorcycle pilot. I’ve had mental health problems all of my life. This site is about my past, present and future. I’m hoping to make it easier for people to be able to speak freely about mental health. It can affect anyone at anytime.
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