I went to a friends 21st birthday party yesterday afternoon. It was in her mums garden (socially distanced). I didn’t know most of the people there, something that would have previously freaked me out and brought on my anxiety. It did’t though. Normally when talking to strangers I freeze I can’t be my normal sarcastic self, I have to show a sensible side, one that only people close to me get to see. The friends I were sitting with are smokers which meant when they went to the smoking area I was left sitting with one of the birthday girls friends. Normally I would feel very awkward, but although I probably bored her, we chatted away. We stayed until early evening. When I was dropped off at home I felt very positive, I felt like i had been part of something and that possibly people actually liked me.

It was a roller coaster of a day. The anxiety of calling into work in the morning and feeling dreadful when I was there. Going home and sleeping for two hours before going to the party. Followed by the high of being out and meeting new people.

I was tired again when I got back home and I have had a very long lay in this morning. I feel slightly anxious and lonely again just being in my flat, but I am trying to focus on the positive of yesterday afternoon.

I will beat this. I will not give up.