Positive change

I went to a friends 21st birthday party yesterday afternoon. It was in her mums garden (socially distanced). I didn’t know most of the people there, something that would have previously freaked me out and brought on my anxiety. It did’t though. Normally when talking to strangers I freeze I can’t be my normal sarcastic self, I have to show a sensible side, one that only people close to me get to see. The friends I were sitting with are smokers which meant when they went to the smoking area I was left sitting with one of the birthday girls friends. Normally I would feel very awkward, but although I probably bored her, we chatted away. We stayed until early evening. When I was dropped off at home I felt very positive, I felt like i had been part of something and that possibly people actually liked me.

It was a roller coaster of a day. The anxiety of calling into work in the morning and feeling dreadful when I was there. Going home and sleeping for two hours before going to the party. Followed by the high of being out and meeting new people.

I was tired again when I got back home and I have had a very long lay in this morning. I feel slightly anxious and lonely again just being in my flat, but I am trying to focus on the positive of yesterday afternoon.

I will beat this. I will not give up.

About catmann1973

Hi, I’m Martin. 47 years old, living in Suffolk. I have three amazing grown up children. I have the best family and friends in the world. I am a football fan, love going to the gym and I am a motorcycle pilot. I’ve had mental health problems all of my life. This site is about my past, present and future. I’m hoping to make it easier for people to be able to speak freely about mental health. It can affect anyone at anytime.
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