So I called into work this morning. It felt horrible. I had a panic attack before I had left my flat. I rode over on my motorbike which normally clears my head, it didn’t. I didn’t know the door code to let myself in as it had been changed in my absence. While I was waiting to be let all I wanted to do was to just go home and not face anyone. I pushed myself to stay.
As nice as it was to see my friends again, I felt dreadful. Heart racing, hands shaking, mind all over the place. Again I wanted to just go home, but I pushed myself to stay. I had to. I really feel I need to go back to work and push through these feelings, this anxiety, to get back to “normal”.
I’m now home and lying on my bed, exhausted. I could sleep for hours, but I won’t let myself. Life right now is horrible, I shouldn’t feel this way, nobody should.