So I called into work this morning. It felt horrible. I had a panic attack before I had left my flat. I rode over on my motorbike which normally clears my head, it didn’t. I didn’t know the door code to let myself in as it had been changed in my absence. While I was waiting to be let all I wanted to do was to just go home and not face anyone. I pushed myself to stay.

As nice as it was to see my friends again, I felt dreadful. Heart racing, hands shaking, mind all over the place. Again I wanted to just go home, but I pushed myself to stay. I had to. I really feel I need to go back to work and push through these feelings, this anxiety, to get back to “normal”.

I’m now home and lying on my bed, exhausted. I could sleep for hours, but I won’t let myself. Life right now is horrible, I shouldn’t feel this way, nobody should.

About catmann1973

Hi, I’m Martin. 47 years old, living in Suffolk. I have three amazing grown up children. I have the best family and friends in the world. I am a football fan, love going to the gym and I am a motorcycle pilot. I’ve had mental health problems all of my life. This site is about my past, present and future. I’m hoping to make it easier for people to be able to speak freely about mental health. It can affect anyone at anytime.
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