And wasting my life. I feel everything is on hold. I’m waiting for my therapy to start with the wellbeing service. I’m waiting to see occupational therapy before I can go back to work. Right now life is passing me by, I’m not living it. Just a few months ago I had a thirty year plan, life was all mapped out for me, I was happy, very happy. Now, I’m annoyed, no angry with myself for changing my medication last year and for not arranging to have therapy directed at BPD sooner. I cannot and do not blame any one but myself. It was my decision to change meds and it was down to me to seek a therapist. I just thought this would all pass on its own, but it hasn’t. I’m pushing myself to go out, but because I’m off work “sick” I feel bad when I do. I feel worse when I stay in my flat. I can’t win.

My life plan now is to take all of the help I am given, to read as much about BPD as I possibly can, and to never, ever let myself feel like this again. I’m going to put my heart and soul in to this blog to help as many people as I possibly can. I hate to think that there are hundreds and thousands of other people out there that have the same thoughts and feelings that I do right now. Many have it far worse than I do. I want to live my life again, I want to be happy. I know I will, it’s just the waiting….

Apart from my children (and if I’m in a relationship), I’m not a “huggy” person. I’d give anything just to be held right now.

I really do want as many people as possible to read this, so if you are please follow and share my blog on whatever platform you like. Martin.

About catmann1973

Hi, I’m Martin. 47 years old, living in Suffolk. I have three amazing grown up children. I have the best family and friends in the world. I am a football fan, love going to the gym and I am a motorcycle pilot. I’ve had mental health problems all of my life. This site is about my past, present and future. I’m hoping to make it easier for people to be able to speak freely about mental health. It can affect anyone at anytime.
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