And wasting my life. I feel everything is on hold. I’m waiting for my therapy to start with the wellbeing service. I’m waiting to see occupational therapy before I can go back to work. Right now life is passing me by, I’m not living it. Just a few months ago I had a thirty year plan, life was all mapped out for me, I was happy, very happy. Now, I’m annoyed, no angry with myself for changing my medication last year and for not arranging to have therapy directed at BPD sooner. I cannot and do not blame any one but myself. It was my decision to change meds and it was down to me to seek a therapist. I just thought this would all pass on its own, but it hasn’t. I’m pushing myself to go out, but because I’m off work “sick” I feel bad when I do. I feel worse when I stay in my flat. I can’t win.
My life plan now is to take all of the help I am given, to read as much about BPD as I possibly can, and to never, ever let myself feel like this again. I’m going to put my heart and soul in to this blog to help as many people as I possibly can. I hate to think that there are hundreds and thousands of other people out there that have the same thoughts and feelings that I do right now. Many have it far worse than I do. I want to live my life again, I want to be happy. I know I will, it’s just the waiting….
Apart from my children (and if I’m in a relationship), I’m not a “huggy” person. I’d give anything just to be held right now.
I really do want as many people as possible to read this, so if you are please follow and share my blog on whatever platform you like. Martin.