Loneliest in a crowd

Thats how BPD makes me feel, lonely. I can be surrounded by friends or on my own, it makes no difference, I am always lonely.

The emotions I go through in any given day are exhausting. That’s why I like to act the clown. If I can make others laugh, it distracts from my true self.

The questions I asked of my friends last night to find out how they see me were for two reasons. The first was for me to try to discover who I am in their eyes and the second was “homework” from a book that I am currently working through. I couldn’t say at the time because the answers would have been different. If I again ask random things of anyone, please assume that it will be for the two above reasons and I will share them on my blog and use them in my work book. The book is available buy clicking on the link below.

Today I spoke with the nurse at my doctors. She wants to up my escitalopram to 10mg in a weeks time. I am happy to do this. I said to her, I really want my talking therapy to start. That’s the thing that will help the most long-term. The pills will help to take the edge off of the anxiety and help me to relax.

I plan to call my hypnotherapist tomorrow to ask for a “top up” session. The work he has done with me so far has been amazing. In our last chat, we decided that the next plan would be to have a course of speaking therapy. The waiting list is horrendous. I WANT IT NOW!! Just like everyone else in my situation.

About catmann1973

Hi, I’m Martin. 47 years old, living in Suffolk. I have three amazing grown up children. I have the best family and friends in the world. I am a football fan, love going to the gym and I am a motorcycle pilot. I’ve had mental health problems all of my life. This site is about my past, present and future. I’m hoping to make it easier for people to be able to speak freely about mental health. It can affect anyone at anytime.
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