With avengence. After two days of staying in, I ventured out of my flat to meet with my good friend Mason. We were meeting at nutshells for a coffee. I booked us a table. Just before I left my flat, I had an anxiety attack. Heart racing, hands shaking, head spinning like a washing machine, but why? I took a diazepam and thought that would help, it would pass. It didn’t.

We sat and chatted for about an hour and a half before going our separate ways. I got in my car and started to drive. I soon had to pull over and I was sick. Still full of anxiety, I made it home.

My lovely neighbour and now good friend Pat was outside. Talking to her normally helps to calm me down, today it didn’t work, I just wanted to get inside my flat.

I’ve been off of work for three months. I called my boss for my weekly check in and started to cry while on the phone (what a man). I couldn’t possibly have asked for a more supportive lovely caring boss. Unfortunately she is leaving the company next week. I will miss her dearly. There is a plan in place for my return.

Now sitting alone in my flat I feel washed out, exhausted. Whatever I am currently doing isnt quite enough. I will figure this out. I will get better. I have to.