Fantastic my first anxiety free day in months, or so I thought. It’s my adopted sister (Bec)’s 39th birthday (just checking to see if you read this) on Monday. I needed to buy her last presents and get her a card. I called my friends to see if there was anything they needed while I was out in town. They asked if I would go to a local sewing shop in Stowmarket https://stitchxstitch.co.uk/ Now being a man I have no idea about sewing, so I video called my friend while I was in the shop. Fortunately I was the only customer in there at the time. This turned into a rather bizarre conversation involving myself my friend, her daughter and the two ladies in the shop. It took quite a while. The poor young lady in the shop was holding up various balls of wool and other bits while my friends were choosing colours etc. Did this bring on my anxiety? No.
My friends then asked If I would call into greggs to get them some lunch. Due to there being limited stock at the moment, another video was needed. There were more customers in there, so the video call was slightly more embarrising. Did this cause me any anxiety? No.
The last place I went to was Tesco. No video call this time. The shop was fairly busy and people weren’t strictly sticking to the social distancing or following the one way system around the shop. Did this bring on my anxiety? No.
I dropped the shopping off and returned home to wrap Bec’s presents up. Bec called round later on to pick me up to go to hers mums for dinner. I was fine when I was there, laughing and joking, still no sign of any anxiety. brilliant.
It was when Bec dropped me back off at home when it struck. When I got in my flat I felt very lonely. Why? I live on my own? I’m used to it. Then the anxiety kicked in. It was overwhelming, like a tidal wave. I was literally feeling like I was just about to get attacked. I went into full fight, flight, freeze mode. My muscles tensed and my heart started to race. I had to take diazepam to calm myself down. This is what I don’t understand about my anxiety at all. Why wait all day until I am perfectly safe at home to kick in. Did I do to much today? It was the most I had done in weeks.
I’m going to bed.