I never thought I would share my deepest darkest thoughts with my therapist, let alone with people I have never met before on a blog post. Yet, here I am, with my raw nerve endings exposed for all to see. For all to judge, for all to laugh at. No-one would believe the shit that goes on inside my head, it’s haunted, but now maybe you have a better understanding of me.
Don’t get me wrong, when I am well, my mind is much calmer, clearer and I am in full control.
I honestly don’t care what most people think of me, just the select few that I let in. These people are the most trusted, loyal and honest people. You know who you are, and I love you.
Today the fog has been clouding everything. Self doubt, self criticism and over whelming anxiety that has stopped me from doing everything that I wanted. I really want to read more, but my concentration is that of a goldfish. Although I don’t want to wish my time away, I want today to be over, so I can start over again tomorrow. It will be better, it has to be.
If I had my time all over again would I change anything? Absolutely not. I am exactly who I am supposed to be, doing exactly what I am meant to be doing. The break ups, the breakdowns, the challenges, the good times and the bad times have all made me what I am today. A little broken and slightly crazy, but uniquely me. I wouldn’t want to trade places with anyone.