I never

I never thought I would share my deepest darkest thoughts with my therapist, let alone with people I have never met before on a blog post. Yet, here I am, with my raw nerve endings exposed for all to see. For all to judge, for all to laugh at. No-one would believe the shit that goes on inside my head, it’s haunted, but now maybe you have a better understanding of me.

Don’t get me wrong, when I am well, my mind is much calmer, clearer and I am in full control.

I honestly don’t care what most people think of me, just the select few that I let in. These people are the most trusted, loyal and honest people. You know who you are, and I love you.

Today the fog has been clouding everything. Self doubt, self criticism and over whelming anxiety that has stopped me from doing everything that I wanted. I really want to read more, but my concentration is that of a goldfish. Although I don’t want to wish my time away, I want today to be over, so I can start over again tomorrow. It will be better, it has to be.

If I had my time all over again would I change anything? Absolutely not. I am exactly who I am supposed to be, doing exactly what I am meant to be doing. The break ups, the breakdowns, the challenges, the good times and the bad times have all made me what I am today. A little broken and slightly crazy, but uniquely me. I wouldn’t want to trade places with anyone.

About catmann1973

Hi, I’m Martin. 47 years old, living in Suffolk. I have three amazing grown up children. I have the best family and friends in the world. I am a football fan, love going to the gym and I am a motorcycle pilot. I’ve had mental health problems all of my life. This site is about my past, present and future. I’m hoping to make it easier for people to be able to speak freely about mental health. It can affect anyone at anytime.
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