This literally happens in seconds. I can go from the happiest to the most depressed quicker than flicking a switch. It’s horrible. Just a simple comment from someone and I can feel instantly rejected, alone. This is one of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder, the one that I hate the most. I can deal with the depression, thats a constant plane, but the mood swings are on a whole different level. With my diagnosis, at least I have an understanding of what is going on inside my mind. I have a way of learning to overcome or at least live with this. It does not define who I am.
I find it hard to explain what this all actually feels like. Alongside my anxiety, I have a burning inside my head, my heart races and I feel threatened, alone, empty. For years it has felt like I had no control with these thoughts and feelings, I now know thats not true. Its a case of going with the feelings, acknowledging that they are there and letting them go. Sounds easy right? Well after years of thinking “this is just how I am”, its going to take some time to change. Watch me, I will change, trust me
I watched an amazing video on twitter last night by the former hollyoaks actor Joe Tracini. He has made lots of videos explaining what it is like to live with borderline personality disorder. I encourage you to check him out. He can explain it far better than I can. https://twitter.com/joetracini/status/1221476571451723776?s=19