Rock bottom

The good news now I have finally hit rock bottom is, there is only one way I can go and that is up. It is however a very dark scary place. To wake up everyday and be afraid of your own mind . To feel trapped, suffocated. Its not a place once I’m out, that I ever want to visit ever again.

I had a good catch up with my hypnotherapist yesterday morning which helped me to see things in a better light. He made a very important point, and that is the only person that can get myself better is me. He has given me all the tools I need. I now have to put them all into practice. Alongside this the reduction in my medication the fog should start to lift  from my mind.

I spent most of yesterday in bed. I slept for hours. It was the most peaceful sleep I have had for days. I also managed to sleep the whole night through.

I just want to be able to concentrate on one thing, to be able to focus. I haven’t even been able to watch anything on television and take it in.

I am going to beat this.

I ruled the world
With these hands I shook the heavens to the ground
I laid the gods to restI held the key to the kingdom
Lions guarding castle walls
Hail the king of deathThen I lost it all
Dead and broken my
Backs against the wall
Cut me, open IJust trying to breathe
Just trying to figure it out
Because I built these walls
To watch ’em crumble down
I saidThen I lost it all
Who can save me now?I stood above, another war
Another jewel above the crown
I was the fear of manBut I was blind
I couldn’t see
The world there right in front of me
But now I canYeahBecause I lost it all
Dead and broken my
Backs against the wall
Cut me, open IJust trying to breathe
Just trying to figure it out
Because I built these walls
To watch ’em crumble down
I saidThen I lost it all
Who can save me nowI believe that we all fall down
Sometimes, oh
Can’t you see (can’t you see)
That we all fall down
Sometimes, ohOh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeahI believe that we all fall down
Sometimes, ohh (can’t you see), yeah
Can’t you see
That we all fall down
Sometimes, oh, yeahI believe that we all fall down
Sometimes, yeah

The above is “lost it all” by the “black veil brides” I find it very fitting

About catmann1973

Hi, I’m Martin. 47 years old, living in Suffolk. I have three amazing grown up children. I have the best family and friends in the world. I am a football fan, love going to the gym and I am a motorcycle pilot. I’ve had mental health problems all of my life. This site is about my past, present and future. I’m hoping to make it easier for people to be able to speak freely about mental health. It can affect anyone at anytime.
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