And I hate rollercoastes. I’m literally up and down, hurtling through life out of control. I didn’t realise how low I had let myself get and how hard it would be to get myself back stronger. I will beat this, I will not give up. The doctors have increased my sertraline to 150mg and they are making me feel quite tired and sick.
I do have some moments of clarity where I’m in control of my mind, but of course I forget about these and concentrate on the negative times. I’ve never had anxiety like this before. I’m constantly over thinking everything. Reliving conversations over and over in my head.
I’ve been out on my motorbike bike which usually clears my head, but not right now. I’ve been out walking, but the thoughts come with me. My body is in constant fight or flight mode for no reason whatsoever. I wish i had a switch and I could just turn it off, even for an hour.
My diet is shocking, and I’m hardly exercising at all. I’ve just lost all enthusiasm. Its like I need a factory reset. I’m hoping the combination of medication and my therapy will soon start to have an effect.
If I had broken my leg when I broke my mind, I would be walking by now.