Something I have always been guilty of is not living right here in the moment. My mind is constantly linking everything to my past experiences or trying to imagine my future. My head had a constant fog inside.I have an inbuilt crystal ball in my mind and I know exactly what is going to happen (of course I really have no idea). I could live through anything I want in my mind, the next day, the next week, even the next year, and it generates immense feelings, usually of fear and dread. I literally did it all the time.
I can’t explain how truly horrible the constant fear is, always expecting the worst, never being good enough.
I changed my therapist to a rapid transformational therapist. This is an intensive form of hypnosis carried out in a 3 hour session. After the session I was given a personalised audio track to listen to twice a day for 21 days. I’ve Learnt to self hypnotise (it’s not as hard as it sounds), and I listen to the audio in an hypnotic state. I will speak more about the therapy in the coming weeks.
I didn’t feel the hypnotherapist I was seeing was actually doing much to help me. The only real thing of use was a listening exercise. It works by learning to turn off the voice that constantly talks inside your head. When I first tried, I could only manage a few seconds, but slowly I built this up to a few minutes. It’s not easy, your mind wants to wander off somewhere, because that is what it has done all of your life. You can do it with your eyes open or closed. Just relax, any thoughts that come into your mind (and there will be some), just let them go. If it doesn’t work to start with, try later, don’t beat yourself up.
I became fantastic at masking my fear through joking about everything and trying to make people laugh. The truth is the more I did that, the less I was myself and the more I was falling apart
I will probably be on medication for the rest of my life, which does help, but doesn’t solve the underlying problem. Hence the hypnotherapy. It’s a bit like waking up every day with a headache. You can take paracetamol and the headache will go. However if you don’t find the route cause of the headache it will just come back the next day.
Im learning to just take each day as it comes, praising myself for things that help and not beating myself up for the things that didn’t. I look outside of myself and remember that I am okay, the battle is in my head. I will win the battle and you can too.
There is no instant cure for any mental health problems. How nice would it be if there was?
Try to relax, find something that calms your mind.
You’ve got this!!