Lockdown has changed my life forever…..

……and probably yours too. I knew my mental health was deteriorating at the end of last year. I lost my focus and drive. I was struggling to fall asleep at night and tired all day long. Constantly overthinking, my head was like a washing machine. In late March I self referred for some talking therapy and in early April I discussed and changed my medication. It was all to late to stop me from trying to numb the pain. I was worried and stressed about a number of different things and the announcement of the lockdown was the final straw. The thought of not being able to see anyone socially scared the hell out of me. I had nearly a month off of work.

Although I have lived on my own for over a year I’ve always relied on socially distracting myself and I was hardly ever on my own. I was scared, in fact I was terrified. Alone with just my thoughts………my idea of hell.

However, it turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. I had to rely purely on myself for the first time in my life. It was time to make some life changing decisions, and this time I have to get it right.

I called the samaritans to talk things through, they were fantastic.

I have had various talking therapies in the past, they helped to massively change my outlook on life, but didn’t address the underlying problem. I was still constantly overthinking, anxious, scared and as far as I could see, for no reason at all. I needed to do something that I had never done before, something that would change me for the rest of my life.

I spent my time off researching different therapies and approaches.

It was a daily struggle just to get out of bed. I needed to push myself just to function. Slowly I got myself into a daily routine. I would walk everyday, call my daughters, my son and call my friends. Within a week, I was able to actually go shopping for myself.

I started to meditate and learned to silence my over active mind for brief moments of time , so I could live in the moment. It was hard, very hard. I pushed myself further than I ever have before.

Slowly, being on my own became easier. Although constantly anxious, I learned to talk to myself differently. Instead of always beating myself up, I would talk kindly. Praising myself for how far I had come. It really helped.

I’m still finding it hard to sleep properly and I’m tired all day long lacking focus. But, the part I feared the most, being on my one is now my safe haven. I watch lots of meditation/ hypnotherapy videos on YouTube, they help massively. I bought an amazing book called “I am enough” by Marisa Peer. It comes with a free hypnosis download which i listen to evey night in bed. It was through her web site https://marisapeer.com/ that I discovered rapid transformational therapy.

I have my first session of rapid transformational therapy later this morning. It with a man based locally that was trained by Marisa herself. I’m by nervous and excited at the same time.

So, if it wasn’t for the lockdown, I would never have had the time alone to research different approaches or push myself. I would have done what I have always done. Relied on other people to ease my pain and help me forget. I have a long way to go, but I am proud of how far I have come.

In every negative there is a positive if you look hard enough.

About catmann1973

Hi, I’m Martin. 47 years old, living in Suffolk. I have three amazing grown up children. I have the best family and friends in the world. I am a football fan, love going to the gym and I am a motorcycle pilot. I’ve had mental health problems all of my life. This site is about my past, present and future. I’m hoping to make it easier for people to be able to speak freely about mental health. It can affect anyone at anytime.
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